A List Of Things We Both Know
by DrizztDo'UrdenNeverDies
Summary: My first stab at a Psych fic, so please R&R! I wanna know what you guys liked and what you didn't. When you forget your chief's birthday present, sometimes things get out of hand. Rated T because of some mild language and some *bad* innuendos. Shassie (ShawnXLassie) This is really just an excuse for Shawn and Lassiter to kiss.


"Lassie, why aren't you kissing me yet?"

Carlton J. Lassiter's eye must have been deceiving him. Spencer stood in front of him, asking him a simple question, one that should have been easy to answer. It should have had a simple response. But the question made his brain go numb, made his arms feel like jelly, made all of his training from the academy drain from his bones, and most of all made his heart speed up so much it hurt. All these stupid physical symptoms were exacerbated by the fact that this question was being whispered two centimeters from his ear lobe by the fake. Using Spencer's first name was reserved for fantasies in Lassiter's head that made him glad the psychic wasn't actually a psychic. So very glad.

"Lassiefrass, why the hell aren't you kissing me?" Spencer whispered again, and Lassiter felt his cheeks go red. "Oh my... Is my Lassie blushing?" The other man began to taunt him, as much as you can when you're whispering harshly and less than an inch from someone's face.

"Shut up, Spencer. Just..." Carlton sighed. "Get over here." Shawn immediately pressed his lips to Lassiter's own and sighed. Lassiter was breaking down, he must be. But Shawn- no, Spencer's lips were opening against his and Lassiter could feel his own tongue creep out. He would have stopped it if he could. He could have sworn he heard a moan pressed from Shawn's throat, but all of a sudden there was a shadow looming over them and Lassiter was pushing Spencer off his body, albeit not without a small whimper from the other man. Spencer was a good actor.

"What the hell is going on, Carlton?" Chief Vick's voice asked, and he glanced at her, an impish smile on his face. Whoever suggested this idea was going to get it later. "I have to say, I expect this from Mr. Spencer, but-"

"I have an explanation!" Spencer shout, all at once throwing his hand to his temple in the way that he does and grabbing the Chief's hand. He dragged her, somehow, into her office, closed her door and put down the blinds. Lassiter sighed. Just like Spencer promised he could do. If Carlton was being honest, he had no doubts that Spencer, the man who managed to fool everyone but him, the man who had survived quite a few different serial killer psycho's murder plots, the man who could do anything, could occupy the Chief for a few hours with an explanation of why exactly, he and the head detective were caught kissing in the middle of the police station. The thing was, if Lassiter was being honest with himself, he wasn't quite sure he wanted Spencer to do it. It's not like he didn't need the extra two hours to help O'Hara and Gus get the Chief a birthday gift. But, he managed to reason with himself, what if he and Spencer had just kept kissing. What of they ignored the world that swirled around them? Obviously, it would never happen, but... Lassiter needed coffee. That's what was wrong. He couldn't let his imagination get out of control. He should keep his fantasies where they usually were, which was in his mind in the middle of the night when all the insomnia and paranoia was too much and he need to distract himself with something that could never be bad. Someone who would never let him down. Spencer. Lassiter shook his head. Not today. Not now, at least. He had to focus. He walked out of the building, his shoes tapping on the marble lightly with every step. He was running by the time he got to his car. He was late to meet O'Hara and Gus at Coffer & Cask, by about five minutes. Stupid day dreaming.

"I don't care what you got vibrations about, Mr. Spencer! This is not a laughing matter. Having a romantic relationship with our head detective is, well, serious. I don't think that you'll have to be punished for this, but if you continue to make it painfully obvious, so much so that I can't ignore it, and refuse to file the proper paperwork, you'll never be getting another job from the SBPD, I can assure you." Shawn cringed. Gus was going to yell at him, he knew. No big matter. The Chief would be happy when she got her present.

"'There's no need for that, Chief. It's really qui-" He heard a door slam. Pounding feet. Shawn smiled at Vick. "I swear, if me and Lassie ever smooch again, I'll make sure we fill out the paperwork. Together! The way couples really should do things."

"I thought that the spirits forbid you from filling out paperwork." Chief Vick said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, you know the spirits. Finicky as a sour sauce pineapple sorbet." Shawn heard another door squeak open, and turned around to see Lassie, Jules, and Gus standing with a bright, shiny, blue gift-wrapped box hoisted between them, big smiles on all their faces (except for Lassie. It would be worrying if Lassie smiled, Shawn supposed, but also he liked Lassie's face better this way. It was honest (and so, so drop dead handsome).).

"Carlton? What in the world is going on today?" Chief Vick asked, looking from each of their faces quickly, then settling on Lassie's.

"We're really sorry!" Jules blurted out before Lassie could speak. He glared at her.

"We all wanted to get you a present for your birthday, but we didn't find out that it was today until Spencer "sensed" it last night and called me up during one of his "episodes". No one had enough money on their own to get you anything worthwhile, so we all pitched in to get you a present." Chief Vick nodded, and opened her mouth, but Lassiter kept going. "Me and Shawn... kissed to distract you while O'Hara, Guster, and later I picked out, bought, and wrapped a gift." Shawn almost detected a hint of regret in Lassie's voice as he spoke of the passed charade, but Lassie would never like him. Not like that. They were close, but not like that. Shawn sighed internally. Unrequited to the very max.

"That is... exemplary teamwork. And fast. I have to say, despite taking up my whole morning, I'm impressed." Chief Vick said, sighing. She suddenly smiled. "Well, are you going to give me my present?" Jules gave a little gasp and brought it up to her desk. The Chief opened it, looked up at all of them, and smiled. "Thank you."

Lassiter sighed and sat down on the edge of his bed. Spencer was going to bring him to his knees, and not for the reason Lassiter wanted him to. He wanted so desperately to know the man, know who he was and what made him lie about being psychic. He wanted to figure out how to make Spencer smile even when he was crying and cry when he was smiling. He wanted to know how to put the fraud to sleep in his arms. He wanted to know Shawn better than Gus did. Suddenly, his doorbell rang. He jumped up, startled from his reverie. He walked to his door and unlocked, then opened it. He stood statue still, surprised more than anything, when he saw the person staring at him from the doorway.

"So? Are you just gonna stand there? Invite me in, big boy!" Spencer said, his eyes laughing.

"Fine, fine come on in Spencer, just invite yourself into my home."

"Oh, we both know you want me to be here." Spencer shot a half-lidded look at him as he stepped aside to let the man in.

"So sure of yourself," Lassiter murmured, more to himself than Spencer, but the other man responded anyway.

"Lassie, Lassie, Lassie, oh Lassie. Don't you remember I'm psychic?" Lassiter smirked.

"Oh, we both know that's not true." Lassiter said, mocking the other man's earlier response. Spencer stopped for a minute, then suddenly started smiling. "Why are you here, Spencer? It's not office hours, again, and if this is gonna keep happening I'm going to have to call your dad." Spencer kept smiling. Suddenly Spencer stepped closer than Lassiter was quite comfortable with, and whispered in his ear.

"Why the hell aren't you kissing me, Carlton?" Spencer slurred out his first name, like it was some kind of treat to say it. It was too much for him, it was all too much. He was about to start yelling or kissing this man, and he didn't really know which.

"Spencer," he said, all too calm. "If you don't get off me within two second, shit is going to go down, and I don't wanna be in prison for the rest of my life."

"Lassie," Spencer started, grinning one of his beautiful, beautiful grins. "I would love to get you off." That was it. Lassiter couldn't take it anymore. He made his hands into fists in one last forceful attempt to stop himself. It didn't quite work. He grabbed Spencer's face and pressed it against his, whispering apologies before his lips were enveloped by the psychic's. Spen- no, Shawn's lips were everything he had ever imagined but better, because it was real.

Spencer pulled away after a second, panting. "Lassie, never apologize for kissing me. We both know you're doing me a service."


End file.
